I’m in a bit of a funk this past week.
It's one of culture shock should I say,
I didn't know that I was a coward.
There is a group, only for the Certified Practitioners,
I'm overwhelmed how other people are speaking up and acting on it.
I know this is the norm in States and Canada.
I probably speak up way more than people who live in Japan.
I feel difficult to be in this group of 12 or so people
who are Americans and act the same as others.
It's not like somebody said something to me,
Just looking at the force, it's overwhelming and bewildering.
When you become Certified Practitioner,
you have an opportunity to become teaching assistant.
But then "Self-worth" thing comes up, what can I really offer?
For others, this is a great opportunity, be able to learn how to teach,
and you can put yourself out there.
I know more than enough about this
but when you actually teach as an assistant,
"Speak Up" thing comes up again naturally, and of course in English.
I was born and raised in Japan.
I started to learn English conversation when I was twenty-something.
So, I can't get rid of this Japanese accent no matter how hard I try.
If I become teaching assistant,
would the students understand my English with this accent?
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Do you see the theme here?
【I don't have confidence in me.】
This is exactly, why my black kitty, Fluffy is helping me.
【To have confidence.】
If what I think and believe doesn't change,
the reality would be more of "I don't have confidence." things show up.
So, what I did next was,
telling what I'm feeling to the teacher.
I thought she might cut me off from this support group
because I didn't show my willingness.
But with a little bit of courage, I wrote an e-mail.
She is a psychic, she KNOWS me.
She suggested to be the teaching assistant of a class,
which is not the usual webinar style, instead,
it's Facebook-based, and she is thinking to have 3 teaching assistants. (usually 2)
I prefer writing than speaking.
Knowing that I have two other people to manage the Facebook group,
the pressure would be down.
I know eventually, I have to speak up.
But for a first baby step,
I thought I could do this, so I decided to become a teaching assistant.
In my case, it was a confidence thing,
but when you are down or have a problem,
the most important thing is to talk to somebody with a little bit of courage.
When you act even a baby step, you might find a way out,
and things may happen beyond your imagination.
Love and Peace